I know the sand does not drip...but at the moment the right word doesn't spring to the mind. I write this from home all alone, down with a mild cold & a weaker fever. Am trying to turn some pages in a book to read but nothing seems to pierce through this thick skull anymore. This made me wonder aimlessly through my PC. 160 GB of data & nothing to cure my boredom. Then I realised I should defragment my hard-drive...haven't done it in sometime. So I started the defragmentor & suddenly realised that for about 10 mins I was staring the red,blue& green bars rearrange themselves. How pathetic is that???
This made me remember sometime ago(may be 12 years) I used to stare in the same way at the sand hour glass at a doctors house. The sand falls at a constant speed...I know that it is a mechanical process..it has no novelty..no intrigiung puzzle to solve..no eye candy...but still I love to watch it go on on ...
On a more philosophical note...I am not me if I don't strain to find to find meaning,patterns among all things...anyway On a more philosophical note it feels like the passage of time is more interesting than the events happening in between them...maybe the falling sand with all its brown coarseness means more to you then than anything else...
In 10 days I leave for the last session of my stay at NIT Rourkela...I never thought that I would be nostalgic or sad about leaving it...but the truth is slowly sinking in that the 4 years wasn't that much of void as I had thought it would be...its complicated..I think I am being reminded of a line by Sartre..
its something like,"When I look back on my life I realise all that I am ,all that life has thought me,has fashioned me into are only by my miseries. On the other hand I only vaguely remember the happy moments and they have taught me nothing. If I were to live my life all over again I would choose this for I prefer to be sad & wise than to be happy and foolish"...those were entirely my lines echoing the thought of Sartre....
NIT made me aware of things I hadn't known I was capable...it blew up my bubble of naivity & thought me to look for hope in other ways...it made me an eloquent sociopath...it showed the the world of knowledge sitting in the NET...it almost took away my love for literature,physics& chess...the three things I had in my life...and replaced them with mathematics...it made the boy in me a man...the man in me a boy...it made me more self-reliant to the extent that I shun any kind of help or even a kind word......
I don't regret my life here...I am a better person because of it...but all the beneficiary shit I mentioned was just the side effects of a fucked up system on a sensitive mind...but I am glad that the Barun that people knew in 2004 has survived...he is scarred but being a wily fighter he just fended off the troubles watching the sand dribble(is that the word)....knowing that the sand would soon get over and to keep things going, that at the bottom will have to swap places with that at the top...
THE DEFRAGMENTATION IS ALMOST COMPLETE...:)
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