Changes

Sometime ago I wrote something on changes. Well pondering over a new heading for my post the word came up to the surface. Well in the last few days I have tried to change myself quite a bit…not any momentous changes…the kind that changed a robber into sage valmiki…rather some superficial ones that would keep people in a wrong impression about who I really am. As I am glancing over my past posts for nearly a year now they all seem to penned by a typical angst ridden, confused teenager with a good talent at using words. Somehow they strike me a bit silly now…somehow I feel a bit a grownup now. I can’t put my finger on it but the mellow of age which I avoided like the fucking plague seems to have caught up with me at last.

Let me go over what changes I propose to bring over myself. Barun Mishra has always been the man who you could always count upon….he gave up hours before exams explaining your doubts…he wrote your essays…your programs…fixed up your PC…listened to your problems…you could take liberties with him for he would always put himself in you shoes and forgive you. I am not boasting. I did all those things out of 2 reasons.3 actually.

1. If you were in a fix & I could help you out of it I will do whatever I can. It’s the hero complex. The overbearing sense of duty toward others.

2. The 2^nd’s the Rubik complex. I needed to solve a puzzle. Something I share with Sherlock Holmes & Gregory house. I crave for mental challenges. If no one has been able to solve it all the better. It gave a sense of pride & superiority.

3. This is the best one. Sometimes when I got a chance to do it I would do a poor Marlon Brando. With a swollen jaw & feeble patriarchal voice I would say

“ A day may come when I may call upon you to do me a favor but until such a day comes, consider this a gift”. This was just for show. Though many such days came & went I never asked for help if it was not offered on its own.

I think this lax attitude has made people take me for granted. I mean I wont be mr.good guy if it costs me my ego. But turning others down has never come easily to me but I am trying…I am trying real hard to be a self-centred, narrow minded jerk.